After 2 months of not doing proper dance training i feel so weak and unhealthy. I mean seriously, i ate McDonald’s practically everyday and because of that i gain weight! Not that i hate gaining weight as it’ll make me look “fat”… but the point is the meat goes to me belly! Gross. So when i tried to do 200 crunches [which is not enough i know] i started to have pain in the stomach! OMGWTFDUH i need to self-train before i go to dance class and suffer!

These days i ate ALOT, around 4 to 6 meals a day! I think it’s because of the “booster” nutrient product that i drink everyday. It causes people to eat more so that the nutrients from the food can go to the brain.  Anyway that’s not the point. The point is i need to start to exercise again or the next time you’ll see me, i’d probably look 5 months pregnant! -.-”

I wish i can join Suntec Dance competition. Sigh. With my back injury and right knee, i might reconsider if i should stop dancing and concentrate on drama and design. Not that i will stop permanently. I might be coming back whenever i’m ready. Right now, i feel so insecure about my condition and watching other dance group videos make me feel worst about myself. I feel that i have a long way to go. My hip hop or jazz skills are mediocre [nothing special about it]. Sometimes i wonder if i’m really lucky to be chosen to instruct kids.

I was interested to take the scholarship but i can never commit. I wish my family allow me to quit school and focus on performing arts. Afterall, it’s what i’ve been doing for my entire life since i was in kindergarden. Singing, acting, dancing. Sigh.

OH! The double chocolate sold at IKEA level 1 taste so great! The oat content can make me full after eating 3 cookies. You guys should try it!

Just ended my communication skills presentation btw. In the end it was not A presentation; more like a debate. Pfft. Everyone shows signs of bitchiness during the Q & A session. LOL. Whatever…i managed to answer those questions despite it being out of topic.

Love is in the air….lol! Na. Everyone has crushes. Saddest thing about it is, when you look they don’t look, when you look again, they’re gone.

I’ so excited to perform for F1 race dinner at meritus mandarin! We’ll do jazz, hip hop and some cheerleading stunts! LOL. I hope we get paid. At least to cover costume money and travel fare. lol.

Random Joke: Which apple products can be eaten? Answer: Big mac. LOLOLOL!!!

It’s been the longest roller coaster ride i had last week. Emotions were all over the place. There were smiles, tears, frowns and even to a point where i was emotionless. Everyday i sacrifice my time and effort to go for production’s rehearsal. It started 2 months ago and last week we had the theatre itself to rehearse. It was really tiring as my production crew rehearse our lines, made props [some of us], help to finish the backdrops etc etc. There were so many things happening; i have no idea where to start.

Costumes were set, so were the lightings and sounds, and props were made to perfection. The director was so meticulous in terms of moving the props and of course, the acting. Although i was really pissed throughout the whole week because this particular actor just don’t listen. Basic rules like voice projection and blocking in stage [ass! ass! ass!] was not applied by this actor. I think that even if we as seniors mention it, he wouldn’t care either. Gosh diva-wannabees are soooooooo annoying. If you have the gifted talent, i don’t mind… but you’re just like me and the others. We are all at learning stage.

Anyway that was before the real production. Friday 25th July 2008- marks an important date for all the crew members especially Anjana KK. lol. Lights on, curtain open, action! As soon as the stage was set with hundreds of eyes watching, i could not calm my nerves down. It was an intense feeling. 1st scene ok [good job nirdin!!!! you're officially part of us! Lol!]…2nd scene well done…3rd scene, the clubbing scene. OMG! the backdrop could not stick to the wall! Somehow the velcro missed the spot. It took a very long time before the scene starts. I told nirdin “Go to the back of the mirrors and hold the backdrop unitl scene 3 ends” And he went immediately. PHEW! Dancers were syncronised for the first time! Thank god. Great job guys. 4th scene was ok…5th scene, dinner scene! I love the setting! The music was awesome. Jessica you made me laugh! OMG you’re so funny. haha. Scene 6 was a breakdown between my scene and kaye’s scene. Kaye’s scene was great especially liyana’s bimbo style and yatasha who’s like the mother. lol. When it was my turn to act, i was really nervous. WHAT THE HECK just give all out. I never felt so gay in my life!!! There were couple of impromptus and i’m glad we manage to pull it off and teared the audience by our humorous lines. Scene 7 was the wedding scene. I love the setting but i felt that it takes a very long time because the guys have to change to our formal outfit. Other than that it was great! The artistic part was as usual stunning. Thanks nick for the choreography! Scene 8 was intense and so was scene 9.

The whole play ended off nicely! I was close to tears as everything ended. I’m so proud of everyone who’s part of the play…be it actors, dancers, backstage, tmt, make up artist. You guys made this play super successful! I seriously missed the play and the stage. How i wish i could turn back the time and do it again. What makes me really happy is when the audience clap. And they did. That’s the nicest feeling i could ever get! Great job guys!!! And to all the alumnis thank you for coming and i hope you guys enjoy our play!

Bittersweet memories. Love it. Miss it. Props to Anjana who direct this play! And to the rest of the year 3s who helped her to refurnish the play’s quality. All i want to say is thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to act and shine again on stage. It’s been awhile since i acted on stage. The last time was during drama nite. In any case, i love every moment of it.  haha.

Now i feel a sense of satisfaction. Phew! But then again…there loads of other school assignments coming up! Dang!

Why must life be full of all the bull shits?… This week itself i encountered several incidents which made me emotionally violent. Seriously. I never felt so low in my entire life… What have i done wrong to deserve all this? Even by typing this whole chunk..i’m really in pain. No! Not that heart pain or crying pain whatever…it’s my knee that hurts so badly.

Last week, i realised that i have a terrible injury. First was my hip area. The signs of pain started since January when i dance for school’s open house. I thought that it’s pretty minor so i continued dancing. It comes again during my dance explosion audition. At that time, i brought along heat rub everywhere. After the dance explosion competition finals, my injury got worsen. That was around early June.

Last week, the pain becomes permanent. The pain was excruciating i could barely walk if i sit down for a very long time. There was once where i took half an hour to walk from Republic Poly to Woodlands MRT station because i had to stop whenever i felt the pain. So i decided to go for a chinese medical check up [TCM] and the doctor said that i have problems with my vein, not muscle. Veins will take a longer time to cure because it needs to get back in place. So he gave me acupuncture and i felt slightly better. Unfortunately, i’m feeling worst now. Apart from my back and hip, my knees are injured as well. I realised that i have a loose knee and i cannot sit down for a long time or it’ll be really painful. OH! not to mention my weak wrist…

The second incident was when my wallet was pick pocketed during my show with fantastic crew at Heeren. I was really upset when i realised that i could not find my wallet when i was paying for the food during lunch. I looked everywhere, asked the security guard, went to police station, and even went to the previous shopping centre to find it. Unfortunately, it’s stolen. Thanks to Gee for paying for me the meals and Zee for going with me to the police station. I’m really glad that i do have friends who helped me although deep inside i’m still upset. As usual i lost eveything including ezlink card, I/C, ATM card and some membership card as well. I have a feeling that there’s this MAt who stole it. He looked at me at a certain way with his girlfriend. And he just kept looking and looking while i was eating. When i went panic searching for my wallet, i could glance from my side view that he was still looking but this time, with his smirk. ARGH! If i could curse him to get a worst injury than i do, i would. And it really upset me to lose my wallet…since i lost my hp a month ago. And my mother is very disappointed in me. Thinking about it saddens me because i only have her in my life now…

Third, is about the youth hip hop competition held at NYP. A month ago, all my team mates are very excited and determined to join the competition and bring glory to our club. Some said that it’s their dying passion, while some also said that “i need to do something for the club before i leave”. So we worked hard- For the first week. After that, the training got more slack as people seemed less interested. I tried to motivate them by giving them interesting choreographys and a few morale support. So they continued. 27th June 2008- marks the worst day of my life this year. 2 of them send me a message that they are backing out from the competition. WTF? Even if u want to back out, have the courtesy to talk to my face straight! For god sake i choreograph, brought up the whole group, and yet…they treat me like as if i did nothing much. So i sms to the other 2 members and ask them if they really want to join the competition despite 2 backing out. But 1 of them replied this “I’m joining the competition because of the two of them…if they back out, i have to back out too”. So in other words, i’m really nothing to these people.

They Don’t appreciate. Wait almost everyone in SA dance don’t appreciate what i did for the club. They have the least respect to choreographers…and i believe Zee would agree this. If it’s not for me, will some of the non-participants of danceworks will get the bag or the shirt? That’s not the main point. The point is…i’m beginning to feel like shit now. Anyway, i put in so much effort to form a team. And the least they can do is to practice at home and make sure that they don’t back out half way! Sms after sms…they told me about it. I went straight to the toilet and just cried. Ya. It’s very ‘emo’ of me to do that….but i’m REALLY hurt. And the next person i call to tell her about it is Zee. I realised that in dance, she’s the only person whom i can rely on. Frankly speaking, I won’t be in SA if it’s not for her.

I realised that all this incident is related closely to dance. Perhaps it’s a sign. I should just stop dancing. So that i won’t have to “waste people’s time” and my time and effort…Pfft.