Another disappointment

Why must life be full of all the bull shits?… This week itself i encountered several incidents which made me emotionally violent. Seriously. I never felt so low in my entire life… What have i done wrong to deserve all this? Even by typing this whole chunk..i’m really in pain. No! Not that heart pain or crying pain whatever…it’s my knee that hurts so badly.

Last week, i realised that i have a terrible injury. First was my hip area. The signs of pain started since January when i dance for school’s open house. I thought that it’s pretty minor so i continued dancing. It comes again during my dance explosion audition. At that time, i brought along heat rub everywhere. After the dance explosion competition finals, my injury got worsen. That was around early June.

Last week, the pain becomes permanent. The pain was excruciating i could barely walk if i sit down for a very long time. There was once where i took half an hour to walk from Republic Poly to Woodlands MRT station because i had to stop whenever i felt the pain. So i decided to go for a chinese medical check up [TCM] and the doctor said that i have problems with my vein, not muscle. Veins will take a longer time to cure because it needs to get back in place. So he gave me acupuncture and i felt slightly better. Unfortunately, i’m feeling worst now. Apart from my back and hip, my knees are injured as well. I realised that i have a loose knee and i cannot sit down for a long time or it’ll be really painful. OH! not to mention my weak wrist…

The second incident was when my wallet was pick pocketed during my show with fantastic crew at Heeren. I was really upset when i realised that i could not find my wallet when i was paying for the food during lunch. I looked everywhere, asked the security guard, went to police station, and even went to the previous shopping centre to find it. Unfortunately, it’s stolen. Thanks to Gee for paying for me the meals and Zee for going with me to the police station. I’m really glad that i do have friends who helped me although deep inside i’m still upset. As usual i lost eveything including ezlink card, I/C, ATM card and some membership card as well. I have a feeling that there’s this MAt who stole it. He looked at me at a certain way with his girlfriend. And he just kept looking and looking while i was eating. When i went panic searching for my wallet, i could glance from my side view that he was still looking but this time, with his smirk. ARGH! If i could curse him to get a worst injury than i do, i would. And it really upset me to lose my wallet…since i lost my hp a month ago. And my mother is very disappointed in me. Thinking about it saddens me because i only have her in my life now…

Third, is about the youth hip hop competition held at NYP. A month ago, all my team mates are very excited and determined to join the competition and bring glory to our club. Some said that it’s their dying passion, while some also said that “i need to do something for the club before i leave”. So we worked hard- For the first week. After that, the training got more slack as people seemed less interested. I tried to motivate them by giving them interesting choreographys and a few morale support. So they continued. 27th June 2008- marks the worst day of my life this year. 2 of them send me a message that they are backing out from the competition. WTF? Even if u want to back out, have the courtesy to talk to my face straight! For god sake i choreograph, brought up the whole group, and yet…they treat me like as if i did nothing much. So i sms to the other 2 members and ask them if they really want to join the competition despite 2 backing out. But 1 of them replied this “I’m joining the competition because of the two of them…if they back out, i have to back out too”. So in other words, i’m really nothing to these people.

They Don’t appreciate. Wait almost everyone in SA dance don’t appreciate what i did for the club. They have the least respect to choreographers…and i believe Zee would agree this. If it’s not for me, will some of the non-participants of danceworks will get the bag or the shirt? That’s not the main point. The point is…i’m beginning to feel like shit now. Anyway, i put in so much effort to form a team. And the least they can do is to practice at home and make sure that they don’t back out half way! Sms after sms…they told me about it. I went straight to the toilet and just cried. Ya. It’s very ‘emo’ of me to do that….but i’m REALLY hurt. And the next person i call to tell her about it is Zee. I realised that in dance, she’s the only person whom i can rely on. Frankly speaking, I won’t be in SA if it’s not for her.

I realised that all this incident is related closely to dance. Perhaps it’s a sign. I should just stop dancing. So that i won’t have to “waste people’s time” and my time and effort…Pfft.

It’s been awhile…

WTFOMGDUH. I think blogging takes too much of my time; or rather my life is sooo occupied that blogging something is a bit of a hassle. Anyway here’s all my updates and gossips [though some were pretty belated].

First thing WAS dance explosion finals. Unexpectedly we lost. Even more unexpectedly Freakzy Nuts won. Not that i have something against them but i think everyone is sick of them winning all the time. When they first started…they’re REALLY good but having to see similar stunts or tricks all the time is kinda boring. In any case i reckon the judge from Dance Explosion are ‘new’ to the dancing scene. Whatever. We lost but i’m sure we’ll win one day…[the videos are posted in YouTube. Type Fantastic Boys.]

Oh i did an NYP ‘tv show’ where i became an invited guest with Kaye and Khai as the hosts. It was for Anjana’s FYP. Memorising lines are pretty hard especially when you give yourself a day to finish it. And we did lots of takes due to our mistakes and technical faults. I was supposed to act as a guy who loves to memorise funny lines from movies…for example, ”you had me at hello”. LOL. Anyway after the interview i had to SING!!!! Hmm when i first thought of it, i was pretty okay with it until Anjana told me that “Amin, can you sing ‘my heart will go on’?” “GULP.” Erm how to sing a female song [not just another female...it's Celine dion's song!!] and only able to practice it within 1 day? Whatever it is i was not able to reach the extreme high notes during the recording session so i switch my voice to falsetto. It turned out OKAY. OH if im not wrong, it will be played at NYP TV next week. Hope you guys catch it!

Next thing was ‘Train the tainer’ course organised by Dance Atelier. I learnt a few teaching styles and i’m sure i will definitely adopt and share most of the useful knowledge that i learnt that day. Anyway Zee was with me and as usual…she’ll crack some dirty jokes. LOL. I got to meet a few instructors and you can tell what kinda of personality they have. Some very quiet…some a bit ah lian…some has this face that has a lot of words in their minds…all put together shows that dancers aren’t exactly normal. LOL. I enjoyed the ethnic fusion class the most probably because we’re dancing something. Adam taught us tradional malay dance and indian dance that fuses bhangra, bollywood syles and some old traditional indian moves. When i dance the zapin, i feel so KAKU[stiff] since i stop malay dancing 10 years ago. The indian dance was equally hard. Whatever it is…it’s still fun.

I have a show this saturday 22nd June at Heeren at 1pm and 7pm slot, under Fantastic crew. I have another show at Suntec [not confirmed] with my SA dancers on 26th June! at 7pm at the fountain of wealth area. Other than that, i have my own preparation for StageArts production and Youth Hip hop competition organised by NYP.

All this activities get heavier at times that i have to leave my school work aside. I need to STUDY and finish my project SOON! I hope i have the motivation to even hold my pencil. Buck up Spears! Going to school is not cheap i need to make full use of it. Sigh. How i wish i can turn back the time and finish my FOOD SCIENCE. Oh oh i’m regretting it already. Shito potato. ARGH. How i wish i was super talented to be able to do all things at one go. Sigh.

Currently, my hip is injured….AGAIN. I NEED to see the doctors soon. It’s getting bad to worst. The first time i had it was January [open house] then it came back during dance explosion practices, audition AND finals. Now it comes back with a sharper effect. Am i exerting too much force when my body cannot even handle it? Julian said it’s more likely caused by my vein than my muscle. Oh crap. If i am not dancing, i’ll die! Literally. Life will be too mundane. Maye i still have drama…but then again what kind of characters can i act? Old man…handicaped man…since i can’t even walk properly now. It took me half an hour to walk from Republic Poly to Woodlands mrt station because every feet my back will hurt. It was so painful that i almost teared [psst...must act a bit macho la cuz there's lots of people walking pass me]. I really hope i get well soon.

I heard that there are some people who unfortunately turns into a diva wannabe in my drama club. Seriously, what experience do you have to throw attitude towards us? You’re just a junior whom i believe being spoilt for some reason. You NEED to change. If you can act better than me [not that i'm really a good actor] i don’t mind. But your voice projection is weak…you lack the sincerity when act…you are just plain stiff [i'm sorry cuz it's just my personal opinion when i observed you]. Be humble and trust me you’ll get better because people around you will naturally start sharing their knowledge with you. Although I only heard 1 side of the story, i’m currently pissed but i hope that you realised your mistakes and apologise to the appropriate group of people.

Last but not least, i need to finish choreograph this whole dance item for the competition! And must finish ALL my projects by this weekend!!!!